Max wants to be the best man

Hello and welcome back to the wonderful world of the Dogpound.  My oldest daughter called me the other night, rather late, which was kind of disturbing since she only calls that late if there is a serious problem.  Expecting the worse, I asked her if everything was okay, and it was, she just wanted to remind me that I had to give a toast at the wedding.  Now I am very concerned.  Not that I have to stand up in front of a bunch of strangers to give a speech; I am just afraid that I will do something “stupid” and wind up on YouTube.  You have seen them, where they are passing the mike around to give their comments to the bride and groom, “Here is the mike..say something into the camera.”  Male guest looking a bit distraught.  “Uh..well…best wishes to Sally and Jack.”  He gets a big elbow into his side from his wife.  “What?” he yelps.  She whispers in his ear.  “What do you mean the groom’s name is Mike?” He stares at his wife with disbelieve.   “When did this happen?  Personally I liked Jack..a shame.”  Cut!  Or in another America’s Funniest Video, 90-year-old grandma tries to say something and she drops the mike into her wine glass and falls trying to catch it.  You get the picture, and I am going to make every effort to avoid appearing on the Internet, at least not like that.  I also have to admit it will be pretty neat since I spent most of my life in a household with three women; so now I get front and center stage to speak my piece without interruption.  What a liberating feeling!


“Marriage can be difficult.  Marriage is like a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle…all clear blue sky.”  Dogpound Wisdom


  • All men make mistakes....but married men find out about them a lot sooner.
  • Let us set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage...the wife is in charge.
  • We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.

Little woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, “Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I’d like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don’t just want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse; I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z.” The voice on the other end of the line said, “Would you hold the line, please? That’s a very unusual request.” Then a very authoritative voice came on and said, “Are you the lady who is calling about one of the patients?” She said, “Yes, darling! I’d like to know the information about Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.” He said, “Finkel. Finkel. Let me see. Feinberg, Farber -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals today. Her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he’s going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o’clock.” The woman said, “Thank God! That’s wonderful! She’s going home at twelve o’clock! I’m so happy to hear that. That’s wonderful news.” The guy on the other end said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family.” She said, “What close family? I’m Sarah Finkel! My doctor tells me nothing!”

That is a wrap.  As always be good, play safe and remember, if you are married don’t forget who is in charge [guys listen up!].  

JR and Max


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